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PLAYER PROFILE

SIMON OCONNOR AGE : 32 (ONLY FOR A FEW MORE DAYS! I KNOW I LOOK YOUNGER ) POSITION : SECRETARY /MANGER /PHYSIO/TREASURER/GEN ERAL DOGS BODY/MOANING SOD APPEARANCES :DID BUGSY MALONE AS A KID,ALSO APPEARED AS 1 OF THE UGLY SISTERS IN CINDERELLA AT THE ALHAMBRA FOR A FEW WEEKS GOALS: AS IF TOTAL CLUB APPEARANCES:58 TOTAL CLUB GOALS 1 FAVOURITE TEAM:THE MIGHTY REDS (WREXHAM) FAVOURITE CURRENT PLAYER:STEVIE G FAVOURITE ALL TIME PLAYER : KENNY DALGLISH BEST PLAYER PLAYED WITH:GOT TO BE THE TOON LEGEND JOHNNY MAC

FUNNIEST THING IN FOOTBALL: SEEIING JOHNNY MAC COOLING HIS SWOLLEN GONADS IN A FILTHY PUDDLE HALF WAY THROUGH A MATCH. AFTER RECEIVING A SWIFT KICK FROM THE OPPOSITION

MANAGERS THOUGHTS ITS A SHAME THIS GUY HAD TO RETIRE WITH HIS DODGY KNEE BECAUSE WITHOUT DOUBT HE WAS THE MOST ACCOMPLISHED AND GIFTED DEFENDER I HAD EVER SEEN. ALTHOUGH HIS PROFFESIONAL CAREER WAS CUT SHORT DUE TO HIS BULEMIA HE GATHERED HIS COURAGE TO JOIN A STRUGGLING LOCAL TEAMAFTER SEVERAL OFFERS HE WAS TEMPTED BACK INTO PLAYING FOR THE YORKSHIRE ROSE. WHO THEN BECAME GARDEN HOUSE WHO NOW ARE CSTLEFIELDS. AFTER THE CLUB WENT THROUGH A DRAMATIC HOSTILE TAKEOVER BID HE TOOK ON THE ROLE OF THE GAFFA AND TURNED AN BUNCH OF OVERWEIGHT LAZY LOUTS TO A FINELY TUNED SCINTILATING LEAN MEAN OUTFIT.